--HITLIST--

The I&B ministry has banned Fashion TV. But if pornography means explicit depiction of sexual activity that simulates inappropriate, rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings; there are many more things on Indian television that need to go immediately. Some of them do it without even baring skin; which is even more obscene. A shortlist....

1.All R D Burman remixes. A strong forum is needed immediately to stop any more RD number from being morphed into remix. Because when they say they are remixing the songs they take out the music and fill up the gap with heaving female bodies in bikinis and thongs, bumping and grinding. Sex may be a good thing, but is a poor substitute for music. Remember the three witches in hot pink in the Yeh Vaada Rahaa song advocating phone sex? Some have names though---------Meghna Naidu, Shefali Zariwalla and Rakhi Sawant.

2.Rakhi Sawant, an act by herself. Several acts in fact .First she bared all, in terms of clothes. Remember the Pardeshiya song? No, because it was just noise and Rakhi Sawant in an itsy-bitsy schoolgirl uniform in an office, which is mixing fetishes too much, but it obviously worked for Indian men. Even that was bearable. But Rakhi Sawant talking about her family and how it exploits her tears streaming down her cheeks? That’s showing us things we don't want to see. That’s showing us things we don't want to see. That’s worse than her thongs.

3. The words "Breaking News", every time Anu Malik composes a new song or Upen Patel celebrates his birthday or the President meets another group of children and lectures them on how the young mind should blossom, are obscene.

4. The haste with which channels start forcing ads during cricket telecasts before the sixth ball of an over is bowled. They can continue till the first is bowled in the next over. What are we watching, cricket or ads? May be we should have a World Cup of ads. Maybe our ads would do better than our cricketers.

5. Aamir Khan's burp ad. Even after the processing. Bodily noises are not only pan Indian Language.

6. Anti ageing ads. A wife still rejoices after weaning back her husband from his friends with her age-defying cream. Hasn’t she received an e-mail saying " And remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride! ”To the girls!!

7. Serials that are still called "Ghar Ki Lakshmi Betiyaan".They are said to be critiques of societal mores that oppress women, but we all know that they are really another excuse to parade sequined sarees, squeeze tear ducts and play on women's insecurities. And we can't even mention the K factory saas-bahus without reaching out for Avomine which blocks message to the the brain from the ears and eyes that can confuse and can cause feelings of nausea.

8. Cartoons dubbed into Hindi. Apparently "mating dance” was translated as "nankhatai ka chura" in Noddy. That roots from deep ignorance about the significance of biscuits in Indian house-holds .But "granny" and "grandpa" have been retained in the original English. Occasionally.

9. Crime shows on several channels, where the great build-up culminates in re-enacted rape scene or a dowry death. That seems to be a point of the episode, more than the efforts to uncover crime. A source tells us ad rates go up for crime episodes when a rape or a dowry death is promised.

10. Recorded laughter in Hindi shows after jokes like.” Why does a bear have so much hair on its body? That's because there are no hair cutting saloons in a jungle.” And it can get much much worse...

11.Navjot Singh Sidhu .For laughing louder than recorded laughter in The Great Indian Laughter Challenge and not stopping even once throughout the hour-long show(ad breaks included).Also for shouting down every other speaker on a cricket show. Sidhuisims must go on. They're as bad as gifting a bald man a comb (sorry he's really got to us).

12.Buladi. She is already gone but she should have gone a long ago. She represented sex at its crudest..

13. Tele-shopping ads. They are so fake the men who claim to have lost and gained weight are so obviously out of job soft porn actors the old men who claim to have found youth again are so obviously on dentures and the ads are so badly dubbed into Hindi that they are actually delightful. They are so bad that they are good. They can stay.!