Nil Rong Chilo Bhishon Priyo…

Viva la Paris! Viva La celebrite! Courtesy t2

SEMI GIREBAL stands up for the Hilton heiress, Salman, John and all those who have been hounded…

"Woe to he throweth a fair celebrity in the fires of prison"---so said a once-sober Oscar Wilde.

And I so agree with that Wilde child of the West, so much so that I truly am against what happened to poor Paris, The Hilton heiress ,as you all should know her, was sentenced to 45 days in an overcrowded prison as cruel and unwarranted as that sounds. Can you imagine the horror of the silly dim-witted girl?

She's too used to the simple life of aloe Vera and crepes of shopping and socializing of Dolce and Gabbana to be cast into purgatory. And can you even begin to think of what will happen to that adorable Tinkerbell?

Without its mommy by its side? And for what? For driving without a license ? Excuse me but you don't need a license to be a celebrity, then why have one to drive a celebrity car?

Clearly Paris Hilton has been singled out because

of who she is and not because of the crime she committed. So what if she's beautiful stylish and perhaps a little naughty sluty? Why must celebrities suffer not only the intrusion into their lives but also the consequences of some of their misplaced reactions? Everyone makes a mistake so why not a celebrity? Instead of being supportive and understanding the powers that be decree almost instantly that these celebrities be given the harshest treatment may be not according to the law but at least horrific considering their unusual lifestyle. For God's Sake they actually have to dress themselves in jail without the help of a stylist!

But lets not get up in arms about Paris Hilton .After all she is an American with none of the richness of our culture and tradition. And yet in our nation celebrities are treated worse. Katrina's Salman may have hunted for sport but why send him to jail for it? Didn't our maharajas do it? And isn't Salman something of a maharaja himself? What about John Abraham that gorgeously sweet boy? How can you even arrest someone so beautiful?

Even that devilishly sexy Sanjay Dutt went to prison for quite a while and suffered for what he had done unknowingly. Something that even he didn't know was a crime. Why did he have to suffer for so long? Hasn't he suffered enough already? They all latched on to him just because he was a celebrity son and a star himself.Oh I'm sorry but I don't believe you can make an example of celebrities in such an outrageously disgusting manner!

When I was but a teenage flower girl frolicking all over the Grecian Island of Crete I shared quite a few experiences with people who'd been "in". They were of all shapes and sizes but not once did any of them strike me as evil .Well at least not in regular life but a bed chamber with me seductively dancing in the candle light can rouse even the meekest of men to become demons in action!

Committing a crime in bed with me is no sin and no law on God's good earth can convict me of it .But these men were not evil. And stars! They can NEVER be evil! They're up there on the screen, dying to be icons to all poor hapless masses who yearn for them and idolize them. You need celebrities to be upstanding symbols of success. How can you throw a symbol in Jail?

And especially one like Paris Hilton! She has given her naiveté if it were virtue. Free Paris I say and you will free the world. Viva La Paris! Viva La Celebrite! And Viva la Semi!

Semi GireBal On SpiderMan’s SuperHuman Sticky White…

Spidey's back!!And thank heavens for that. I was beginning to miss that sweet boy, Peter. He's such a gentleman really taking care of his old Aunt May , but once he's in his Spiderman mode, oh my gosh, that's another ride in itself! And this time, he's back a little older perhaps a little manlier than and definitely and not as shy as he used to be! And he has yours truly to thank for that…

It's not just that friendly neighbourhood Spiderman who has me to thank especially for this theme song, but the dozens of super heroes and superwomen I've spent quality time with, trying to get them to build themselves up as a brand, as an image people can look up to and treat as icons like myself.

In the early 1930's it was Superman who looked quite perverse without his now trademark red "UNDI", until I suggested he do something to hide that obvious bulge creeping up on him every time Lois Lane came into the picture .And that wretched girl giggled every time it happened, Poor Clark!

But let's get back to Spiderman who also happens to be one of my most favourite swingers. Swinging left, swinging right, swinging up & swinging down swinging both ways if necessary…!No no not THAT kind of swinging you obscene, narrow minded precociously vile, piteously lascivious heathen! That sort of swinging I shall elucidate on further in later columns but for now you'll just have to be content discussing Spiderman's swinging skills.

Which incidentally I taught him myself in the comfort of my own home using white whips ivory chains and pearl handcuffs to demonstrate the enormous strain all this swinging might put on his body and especially his lower half, which he uses to increase his speed momentum and displacement…

Ah those were the glory days when he'd just grab hold of me and we'd go swinging together in sheer bliss and ignorance of the world around us! It was in those early days that I reminded him that with great power comes great responsibility, so even if he is really strong and safe he really has no right to hold me upside down unless I want him to!

And today he uses this very talent this skill that has been bestowed upon him by swaying and sashaying all over the city streets fighting the crime, grime super villains .I even have a soft corner for that gooey white fluid that literally jerks out of his wrists which honestly I thought may have a rather disgusting way of being attached to someone or something. Sure it might seem like human silk with an extremely high tensile strength but for the love of god has anyone ever wondered where it all comes from? I mean it's not like he has an in exhaustible supply of that stringy white fluid! Not unless his marvelous body produces it by gallons which I highly doubt considering the amount of time he spends mooning over Mary Jane. That Red haired harlot sure has been mean to poor Peter, and in the movie I just hope she doesn't run away from being married to a truly enlightened and delightful spider being…

Among the many things I like about Spiderman other than his agile sense of touch and balance is his spider sense .That little tingling sensation which even I used to get and still do at times especially when Spidey comes a calling. Not to mention his brand new costume! Oh yes that black little number looks quite nice on him, although I do believe a white one may have been suitable…We all know the black suit is actually that horrendously sycophantic arch nemesis, Venom but knowing Spidey he'll make short work of that horrid and ghastly monster, whose very image once ruined my hair!

I just wish him the bestest luck against Sandman, the new goblin, venom and Mary Jane and I urge you to please give him a warm welcome back into my world and yours. Remember he is after all your friendly neighborhood Spiderman …And who doesn't love superheroes especially in skin tight spandex? I know I do!

BANGLA BAND....HOW FAR...HOW LONG?

IS BANGLA CONTRADICTION IN TERMS? t2 THINKS IT IS AND HERE'S WHY?

BYE, BYE...........

Don't get us wrong .We don't object to singinfg in bengali .We also quite like guitars , drums, bass, head banging...What we don't like is the way bangla is pronounced by the rockers.Bangla is indeed rocked, rolled and abused with the fake accent of snobs.Why does the bhalobasha have to be stressed on sh to rhyme with pasha by grown ips?
What do you acheive by shortening the chess as in Buddha Heseche/Yuddha eseche(if that's what you sing)?Buddha aaro haasbe.Buddha will laugh more if you do that.Why do you all the Rs have to roll____________-even in words like korecho , baro tomar?Its so fake...du nombori, counterfiet.How come the Bangladeshis also do rock but keep the language more intact?Same of course for spanish, portugese or africans.because they respect their own language more.That's why Bangladesh defeated Team india.

We must raise this important question:Bangla is a soft , curvy language_____________does it lend itself to being rocked?And hard rock is very hard.The answer is yes ! Bangla lends itself to stadium rock, but when the essence of the language is not tampered with.That's proven with a Prithibi, or the classic Krosswindz album Poth Gacche Benke, or some of the really gorgeous ballads from across the border, offered by Miles, Feedback, and now Bangla.But whatever you do , don't launch into a freestyle rap in Bengali_______It is horrible.

Where's the song?At the end of the day when it comes down to a great number, how many can you remember by a BAngla BAnd> How many of these songs that flood record-shoe shelves are going to stand out like a Stairway to Heaven, a Hey joe, A withor Without You, or a Comfortably Numb..?Show us one and we will show you a grammy that we have kept aside , reserved...

The "rock" tradition in Bengali music is only about two decades old.mohiner horaguli_____stalwarts who shaped urban Bengali music through seventies and re-emerged in the Nineties with rock leanings----had a far more mature outlook, fusing elements of blues ,flamenco,Latin and reggae with western classical nuances to forge a sound that still remain fresh .That unfortunately is not the case with much of today's Bangla Band , be they veterans Abhilasha, Cactus and Parash Pathar or newbies like Eeshan.Lakkhichara(with Mohin founder Gautam Chattopadhay's son Gaurav handling the Drum duties) and Fossils bring some musicality on board , but these are just two bands in a city of millions.As for those "Folk Rockers", forget it...Cheesy is the word.....

What is it with all this posing and the rock mama(in this case the maternal uncle ) rock" syndrome ___---without the music?And if these guys do want to pose pretty. why don't they get a stylist?Pot Bellied hirsute men in their late 30's don't exactly make great for posters do they?Think Led Zepplin front man Robert Plant, guitar legend Jimi Hendrix, Carlos Santana, Bono, Bon Jovi, Jim Morrison...You get the drift?Though Jim morrison did develop a beer belly later.

Bangla rock suffers from a classic rock hangover .Acutely Watch any Bangla rock concert, and you'd know what we're talking about.even the youngest among these can transport you back to the hair-band Eighties ..........When will we grow up?What about a contemporary sound>?It's not as if youngsters in this city do not listen to Incubus , Disturbed, John Mayer, Cold Play, or Jazz....Or drum'n Basses.why does the retro spectre overpower their minds the moment they pick up a guitar____-to invariably sound like a copy out of a Guns'N'Roses riff, bits of classic Iron Maiden, or suspiciously close to a CSNY tune?

Eighties hair bands aren't known for poignant lyrics.In Bengali their followers end up with a great verse often followed by a daft bridge and then a totally inane chorus section in some of the best tracks they have to offer....."Bhorer Aakashe Joto Snigdhata acche/ Bandak Rekhechi Premer Kacche///Very Nice/Why pray why does the bridge have to be" Keno Korle Eerokom....bolo" We mean ...duh?

There should be a ban on rock rebels doing "I-Am-Proud-To-Be -A-Bengali" act after every concert__________

Some Bangla Rock Bands have graduated from Hindi Music...

There are no Women in the rock Scene. Almost !

The jury feels that in two years time it will die down.....
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Aishwarya-Abhishek in an awesome scene from Guru

Semi GireBal on AbASh

Unless you have been sleeping next to a cold-hearted albeit able bodied Frenchman with a penchant for Arctic holidays you'll realize that its getting awfully hot in our country.If you didn't, fear not for neither did I! One of the perils of the high life, I'm afraid but I don't seem to get out in the sun that much.But from what I hear and know to be true, the bloody heat is absolutely killing everyone out here!
Everyone's getting hot and sweaty just standing in the sun for a few minutes Imagine what is happening to those poor souls who actually work in the heat!
But at least it's something everyone is sharing .All this active heat between us , running through us coursing through our veins our bodies and our minds must culminate in something.it makes one seaty just thinking that dirty little thought doesn't it? But things are bound to happen . That's what obviously happens when it gets too hot.Something explodes out of proportions...Like a kiss between a snub-nosed beauty and an older beast.//?
Oh dont tell me you didnt hear it ALL over the news?Its the only thing everyone would talk about.The betrayer of hearts Richard Gere kissing lissome but somewhat light headed Shilpa Shetty!Imagine the horror of it!That too by force just like the horrid Punjabi boy who tried to harm that poor all round angel, Rakhi......May God bless her courage!In fact little Richie tried kissing her quite a few times but the poor girl didn't seem to know how to be kissed by him!And all this in the heart o Delhi right in the middle of an event organised for truck drivers.Really!Its quite indecent of them to do this in front of so many young Indians who have already so prone to think vilely about such things! Well at least Richard had the decency to shout, "No Condom No Sex"
The other gathering heat is my darling Abhishgek's wedding to the gorgeous Aishwarya of course!Its going to be a fantastic wedding and I'm just waiting for the 4 page invitation which should be arriving as you read this complete with double "A" embossed on the cover!Too bad its high profile wedding and they dun need riff raff coming there otherwise i'm sure they'd invite all their fans too...........I'm so sorry that some of their own friends have not been invited.I'm so sorry that Shah Rukh and Gauri poor things that they haven't been invited.Nor has that rather handy hunk Salman or that cutie little cretin Aamir.Well may be Sunil Sheity can fill them in on the details since he's been invited along with Yashji the Ambani brother and little KAran or Kjo as I like to call him!
And you have the summer heat to thank for all this!i just hope the dear darlings have air conditioning so they don't get that hot on their hot wedding night1 Can you imagine wearing all sweaty wet sticky itchy scratchy and naughty at the same time....to be continued have to go to "masir" marriage complete later or mom will kill be all my kins will be mad with me bye bye

METEROSEXUAL(FUL BABU.....) THE MAN IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE,WHICH COULD BE ANYTHING FROM NAIL POLISH TO A TASTE FOR DAMIEN HURST OR THE ABILITY TO HOLD FORTH ON THE CAREFUL BALANCE OF RIPE PEACHY CHARDONNAY FLAVORS AND YEASTY CHARACTERS OR A KNOWLEDGE OF HOW TO USE BALSAMIC VINEGAR OR BABY DIAPERS.WITHOUT HAVING TO BE GAY.THE METEROSEXUAL-----WHICH DOES NOT MEAN SOMEONE WHO HAS SEX IN THE METRO------WAS INVENTED ABOUT THE TIME LIFESTYLE WAS FOR MEN,ROUGHLY IN THE 90s.SO HE COULD BE ANYONE FROM DAVID BEKHAM TO BILL IN KILL BILL TO BRAD PITT TO SAIF ALI KHAN TO JOHN ABRAHAM WHO SAYS "IN THE INDIAN CONTEXT I THINK IT MEANS MEN TRYING TO LOOK BETTER'BEING METEROSEXUAL IS TAKING AS MUCH TIME IN DRESSING AS A WOMAN DOES'WHAT IF HE WAS MISTAKEN FOR BIPASHA?(OBVIOUSLY "METEROSEXUAL" HAD ITS PROBS-----IT LEFT OUT ERR, A LARGE BODY OF MEN.HENCE FOLLOWING WORDS....

RETROSEXUAL(CHAMAR---MITHUN TYPES)

THE REACTION TO METEROSEXUAL WHICH LED TO A TERRIBLE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS FOR ALPHA MALE, A GENUINE GUY, THE MANLY MAN.HE WAS RENAMED THE 'RETROSEXUAL'-------THE MAN WHO IS FREE TO WATCH AXN, BELCH HAVE BODY ODOUR BE CLUELESS ABOUT HAIR CONDITIONER AND LOOK DOWN UPON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PENNE AND TORTIGOLIONI AND UPON ALL MEN WHO KNOW THAT.......IF PITT, JENNIFER ANISTON'S EX WAS A TRUE BLUE , VEGETARIAN METRO HER CURRENT(WHO COULD BE THE NEXT EX)ACTOR VINCE VAUGHN IS A RED BLOODED, BEEFY RETRO....MORE EGS: SUNNY DEOL.....VINOD KHANNA ...DHARMENDRA....BUT NOT RAHUL KHANNA WHO IS JUST "DIVINE SEXUAL"

UBERSEXUAL (BHODDOR LOK)

A COMPROMISE BETWEEN METRO AND RETRO.MEN WHO EMBRACE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF THEIR MASCULINITY OR "M-NESS(CONFIDENCE,LEADERSHIP,PASSION,COMPASSION)WITHOUT GIVING IN TO STEREOTYPES THAT GIVE GUYS A BAD NAME(NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN, EMOTIONAL EMPTINESS ,COMPLETE IGNORANCE OF CULTURE OUTSIDE SPORTS, BEER, BURGERS AND ATHLETIC SHOES)ACCORDING TO www.prnewswire.com.THE DIFFERENCE IT ADDS IS THAT BOTH ARE PASSIONATE BUT THE UBER IS PASSIONATE ABOUT CAUSES AND PRINCIPLES WHILE METRO IS MOSTLY PASSIONATE ABOUT HIMSELF...EG:BONO,GEORGE CLOONEY AND MARQUEZ(WE WISH THERE WERE MORE)..

PETROSEXUAL(MISTRI)

COULD MEAN A PERSON OBSESSED WITH CARS,CAR ENGINES,MOTORSPORTS AND GENERALLY THINGS THAT RUN ON PETROL.HE IS USUALLY A MAN AND THE WORD IS USUALLY USED DEROGATORILY, USUALLY BY WOMEN.AS IN WIFE"YOUR CAR INTERESTS YOU MUCH MORE THATI DO.YOU ARE A PETROSEXUAL"HUSBAND:YES SHE HAS THE BETTER BODY'EXAMPLE...ALL MTV ROADIES, ALL DHOOM CHARACTERS....KISHORE KUMAR AND HIS TWO BROTHERS IN CHALTI KA NAAM GARI.....IT COULD ALSO MEAN SOMEONE WHO IS VERY VERY SEXY AND THAT IN CASE A SHE..LIKE SALMA HAYEK....RECENT BOOK-----THE COMPLETE PETROSEXUAL: A HANDBOOK OF STYLE FOR THE MODERN DOG----------THE WORDS STANDS FOR CUTTING-EDGE CANINE FASHIONS....

POMOSEXUAL(A`TEL IN BENGALI)

THE POMO(POST MODERN)PERSON WHO SHUNS LABELS SUCH AS HOMOSEXUAL AND HETEROSEXUAL.HE IS FOR FREEDOM FROM LABELS, FROM LIMITS OF SEXUALITY AND FREE TO FLOAT IN THE WORLD WHERE SEXUAL CATEGORIES ARE ABSOLUTELY FLUID.SINCE NOT MANY WOULD ADMIT TO BEING THIS...ORLANDO FROM VIRGINIA WOOLF...

AND THEN THERE IS HOMOMASCULINITY, HOMOEROTICISM,NARCISSM, EGO ,THREATENED EGO,FRAGILE EGO....SUPERMAN EGO.....MEL GIBSON.....BUT ITS UNFAIR TO SUBJECT MEN TO ANY MORE SCRUTINY............